Hi there, lone cow

I spotted this cow grazing alone and paused. 

At the time this picture was taken, I thought to myself [we face many of life’s hurtles alone]. I went through chemotherapy and brain radiation - alone - during the world pandemic.

And in a way, our solitude is true. I am the only one having to face my mortality in my early 40s. I am the only one having to endure this treatment alone. But when I looked beyond my situation; when I widened my perspective - I could see the possibility that I might be taking solace in my own pain. 

It was my choice to suffer alone. Why was I drawn to lonely suffering? Was it a fear of judgment - if so, from whom?

I started my journey burrowing myself in a shelter. I’m determined to end it with a deeper understanding of how we all share this pain.